17 days ago

I was here 17 days ago.
I had no idea it has been so long.

It can be one or a combination of the following reasons why I didn’t return sooner:

  • My kids are unwell
  • Pressing deadline at work
  • I am out of city or country
  • I am struggling somewhere in the depression spiral
  • Turns out all of the other reasons can also be a trigger to my depression spiral.
    I think not writing here always means that I am somewhere in the depression spiral.

    I am back today but not way better. I am still lost but trying to grab at something to get out.

    Mind map

    This is something I have started practicing and have found that it does give some direction to the thoughts and actions. I still have to find though, a good way to channelize the actions to results. It might actually help us or force us to find ways to take action when we are least bit inclined. I am going to refer to mine and see if I find something worth grabbing my interest there. I will let you know how the day unfolds.

    Blank

    Today is one of those days. Blank should be one of the feelings like sad, happy, angry. I guess I will add it to the ideas list for our community.

    This is probably the first sign for me of a starting downward spiral. If I don’t get back up soon, find something to grab my interest and go at it, I will probably sink further.

    Writing this blog could be one of those things but I would really need content that I cannot think about right now.

    I do love writing though. I can never be regular with a journal though. I know it helps me sort out my thoughts and makes me feel more peaceful, but only on the days when I am still good enough to open the journal and write. Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of writing one?

    A lot of uncertainty today in my life, could that be the reason?

    I want a direction, more clarity but the new endeavors I like to take on do not provide it.

     

     

     

    Huge plans

    While I am still ‘up’, I have huge plans to build this community. I am going to build another site where we can connect and chat and group instead of having to comment on blog. I want to build resources for help, which can be our go to guide during one of the downward spirals. I want us to identify our downward spirals and know and practice ways to get out of it. And I want all of us to help each other.

    This site is just a warm up. I am throwing out the idea of building this community of ‘Uplifting Friends’, I have decided in the moment, just now that that’s what we should call ourselves. Any other ideas?

     

     

     

    Way of life

    Dealing with depression has become a way of life for me. I realized there must be many others out there like me, hence the blog now. I want to reach out, find friends who understand and make sure we stay over the top of this life skill “dealing with depression”, together.

    There was a time when I did not know what was going on with me, I used to feel sad and I thought I was procrastinating over everything. Little did I realize it is not just because I am lazy, though I have certainly been tagged that by many.

    After dealing with several failures in life, even though I consider myself above average in my field, I started focusing my efforts on positive thoughts. I thought may be I am just a negative person and do not know how to channelize my energies to success.

    Several failures after, one of them included being a mom who doesn’t care, I realized something else was going on. Postpartum depression was my first clue. Depression has come and gone in my life without me knowing it. I have felt like there is no future, like the moment I am in is the end of all.

    It starts off with just one small thought or feeling. Anything can be a trigger. Starting from skipping a meal, I am mother of two little boys and can get busy sometimes, to anything that dear husband (DH) might say,  when kids do not listen, when I do not like what happened at work.. anything at all. From there on, it is a downward spiral. At least it used to be.

    Now the situation is that I can recognize when I am going down the spiral, and before I go too far down, I pull myself up, most of the time. If you see a gap of more than a week here, please reach out to me because I might not have bee able to pull myself up.

    Please share if you have faced something like me or worse. I am all ears, I am in the up phase now and want to connect all of us together to help each other. When I am in the down phase again, I will need you…. waiting to hear…